I've sat down to write this post a few times and have given up quickly. With the last miscarriage, I was so much more forgiving. We decided that God knows best and he did after all, already bless us with Carter so, we knew we just needed to be patient. 1 in 5 women have a miscarriage and both being perfectly healthy, it never occurred to us that it would happen again. We're in our 20s for goodness sake!
That said, this pregnancy was much like the last. I was exhausted yes, but that was it. I was told by friends, family and nurses to be thankful that I didn't have to deal with any pregnancy symptoms. I probably would have been - just like I was last time - except that this time I wasn't ignorant. This time, we knew something wasn't right.
After having an ultrasound at 7 weeks and hearing its little heartbeat, we made ourselves get excited as nervous as we were. The chance of a miscarriage after hearing a heartbeat at 7 weeks is only 10% and our chances were even lower since we had already had a miscarriage. So, we started sharing our news and each time, it just didn't quite feel right. We made ourselves start talking about names to try to get us more excited and less worried.
Just a little after 9 weeks, I had some spotting and immediately knew what was about to happen. For 2 days, nurses were telling me that it was completely normal and not to worry. I however, am my mother's daughter so, worry is my maiden name. On the 3rd day I insisted on an ultrasound to which the rude nurse told me she would "try" to get permission for. I was scheduled for the next day and Chris was going to go with me until they called and changed the appointment when the technician called in sick. He couldn't leave the office so, I went it alone and the technician confirmed what I already knew.
OK. I'll try to end this post on a positive note....
I am thankful that Chris was in town and able to be with me since just hours later he was scheduled to fly out of town for the weekend.
I am thankful that we have already been blessed with a healthy baby.
I'm thankful that I didn't require surgery.