Wednesday, September 14, 2011

How is it REALLY going?

Good. Great. It REALLY is! The boys run and scream and laugh and take toys from each other. Occasionally there is a biting incident which we are working on and there are at least 3 times outs each day between the two of them. They are brothers.

Sadly, it seems that almost everyone I know personally in the adoption world has their Debbie Downer hat on lately. I don't know if they are jealous or simply can't believe it is going this well, but they feel the need to diagnose my son with all sorts of issues. Like, there is NO way that he could attach and adjust THIS well. Before I go into more detail, let me say this: we are well aware that how things are now does not indicate how things will always be. We are simply thankful that we get to enjoy our family right now.

That said, somethings you should know before you tell me what is "wrong" with my son's seemingly easy transition:
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He is 19 months old.

He was NOT in an orphanage at any point.

He lived with a woman that gave him 1:1 attention for the past 7 months

I visited him twice before our pick-up trip and the 2nd trip Chris and I spent 24 hours/day with him AND his foster mother for 4 days so that he was able to get used to us with the security of his "mama".

When we picked him up, we were sure to have him say good-bye to his foster mother - she wanted to hand him over while he was asleep - so that he could hopefully realize that she trusted us and gave him to us rather than wake up and think we had taken him.

I have in fact read many books on attachment.

The only time that we have left him with anyone was at church for a little over an hour and I spent the first few minutes with him attached to my leg until he felt comfortable playing with the other children.

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I really appreciate everyone's concern that Coen has adjusted so well. I completely understand that his adoption will be an integral part of his life forever and that behavioral issues might stem from this. (I also think that some times people blame behavioral issues on adoption when the exact same issues could arise in a biological child - one of my siblings was lying through their teeth at age 3 and they weren't adopted). But, I do think that we have been very blessed to have been able to provide a good home for him during the adoption process which all the books say makes all the difference. I also think that the amount of time we spent with him prior to picking him up had a huge impact on his ability to attach and feel secure with us. Finally, he adores Carter and I think they are both blessed to have a brother. They thoroughly enjoy each other and get excited to see each other every morning which I think has also helped him to adjust.

So, again, I really do appreciate the concern and hopefully you can all rest assured that we prepared for the worst and were blessed with the best. I promise we are on top of it. I even have phone numbers ready for local adoption counselors if the need arises.

Love you all - we're doing GREAT!

4 comments:

Doyle said...

I love, love, love your little family! I'm so excited that Coen is adapting so well. You are all very fortunate the universe brought you together--it was meant to be! Can't wait to meet the little guy!

Courtney

GG said...

There is lots of love in your family. You take each day as it comes just like everyone else. I checked and didn't see any black clouds lingering over your home. Just keep thanking God. All is well.

Barbara said...

Hi! I found your blog through your moms blog and have been following your adoption timeline. I am so happy your adoption is going so well. I admire your courage and truly wish the best for your whole family!

Let the debbie downers do their doubting and you keep on being an awesome mommy and women and enjoy those little guys!

I wish I could get twenty years back of my life and follow you in your awesome footsteps!

Ghana in our Hearts said...

Molly came home at 4 months, and was escorted to the US. She SCREAMED when anyone tried to hold her at the airport except Jay & I. Keep in mind, she met us all at the same time, but instantly she knew who her mommy and daddy were. Sometimes I think these little ones just know their family : ) Five years home and never once have we experienced an "adoption issue." Like Coen, she was in foster care in Korea, which does make a difference.