I've spent the last 9 months thinking about today. Roughly the first 3 with excitement and the feeling of "oh my goodness, how am I going to do this?". The last 6, well, I've thought about today differently.
I never know when I'm going to think about it. It always seems to surprise me. Like when the movers we hired moved Carter's crib to the nursery and the guy shared that his wife was pregnant. I put on a smile and congratulated him. When he then said that her due date was March 23rd, I had to turn away when I said "how exciting!" after catching my breath from the punch to the gut.
The thoughts are as different as what brings them on. Like when I suddenly have an "ah ha" moment while I'm army crawling through Carter's tunnel "Ah, this is why you decided we weren't ready. So that I could experience all of this with Carter to its fullest." A sense of understanding and appreciation that He does have plans for us and they are the right plans whether or not they seem like it at the time.
As hard as it is, I can't imagine going through this without already having our little man. Whenever I'm hit with a sad thought, he can easily push it aside. We are so lucky and blessed in that regard. So many other couples that go through this, don't have that. I'm thankful that I have an amazing husband to go through this with me and we have faith that when the time is right, He'll bless us again.